Our New Year celebration turned out to be very nice, I even though that finally my sister and I wouldn't fight anymore. You see, I had a difficult childhood talking about my relationship with my sister. We didn't get along AT ALL; I was (and probably still I am) assured she spoiled my childhood, though it was she who'd asked one more little baby. She chanced to take our mom's and my clothes - she was still small enough to get into my clothes, and already big enough to put our mom's on. But the thing is she did it without any permission! And it drove mom and me totally crazy! She stole my cosmetics, my little accessories; my sister was a despot when we had a spring cleaning. And she was a despot every time we made up our flat, like it was always spring. She's been lying to our parents for all my conscious life, even now she's 24, has a husband and 2 daughters and still can't tell our parents that she's got one more credit. So, the day she left our home for her own one was, probably, one of my best days. I started living my own life with my own room (while my elder sister living with us, I hadn't had my own place). When she came to us with her daughters, I went out with my friends only not to run into her. Days gone by, and I got used to stand her around. I really like her daughters, they are pretty little nieces, and I even dared think we would start to bear each other. Well, still I couldn't see and hear her for a long time, but it was also a progress. But some things remains when there's a talk about me and my sister:
- I'm an owner. If a thing is mine, it's mine and only and you can use it, take it, touch it and breathe on it only if I permit. If I make you tea in my mug, be glad - you're my friend and you can use my mug. But my sister is my sister, she doesn't have to be my friend, she'd never been and, I'm sure, never tried to. And when she makes tea for herself in my best, my favourite, my and only my mug (she always does it), her karma gets lower than London Underground.
- I'm jealous. During my holy childhood, I had a lot of hysterics under the name "Nobody loves me! You love her more than me!", and, as far as I know, my sister got them too, but I'm an absolute winner of putting up some brawls.
Let's get back to this New Year. My sister had come to us wearing a fur coat, so when she and her husband decided to go for a little walk in the evening of 2nd January, she asked me to borrow her my sport winter jacket. I lent it, and one evening means one evening for a normal person. When I woke up next day, 3rd January (oh, just yesterday), I found out there wasn't my jacket as well as my sister. I asked mom if my jacket was on my sister and where my sister was generally, and mom told me she had gone to her husband to another city till the next day - today. I immediately got angry - it was MY fucking JACKET. The first thing - look though my notes above, I'm an owner. She had her own damn fur coat, why wouldn't she put it on? The second thing was, as I've just written, the fact that it was my jacket I currently wore. Hopefully, I got one more coat to wear, otherwise what should I put on in case of going out? My dressing gown?? And the last thing was echos of my broken childhood. I'm still convulsed if she takes our things without permission. If you only could imagine how mad I was yesterday. SHE TOOK MY JACKET NOT HAVING EVEN ASKED ME AND WENT WEARING IT TO ANOTHER CITY! And today, when my friend and I having come home, I ran into her, I didn't tell her a word. She, by the way, got her younger daughter and, in fact, herself to their home. Dasha and I had lunch, she tried telling me something, but I didn't answer. She asked what was wrong with me, and I shouted that she shouldn't have taken my jacket without my permission for the whole 24 hours. In the beginning she insisted on having asked me to get it and that I'd allowed her that. Then she said her favourite expression: "Are you greedy?" OH MAN, she thinks if she's my sister, she can easily take my stuff without informing me and that's ok. And when I don't go with that she blames it on my 'greed'! Sometimes Often I think she doesn't reckon with my opinion, like I'm just a slave to please her. FUCK THAT SHIT. So, when she wondered about my greediness, I whispered something like "Get out of here!"; she exclaimed "WHAA?" and something else, I don't remember. Our mom chanced not to have heard this, another way she would be very disappointed or would prevent that. And some hours late I got a SMS from her saying "You don't have me anymore! Get it!". I couldn't even imagine my words would hurt her so much; as a child I always told her "I hate you!", "You're horrible!", "You're not my sister!" and etc., but I don't know how she reacted, because after that I always ran away in another room and hid from the rest of the world. I've already told her our home isn't her now, but she never listened to me. She still thinks she belongs to this place. Of course, she is, but as a guest. She never knocks on my door, she always interrupts me if I'm doing something. And NO, I've never missed it, I don't miss it and I won't miss it ever.
I don't know how our fight will end this time, but it's just a mess.
All in all, my sister has said I wouldn't have her anymore in my life, though I've been saying it to her for all my 17 years.
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