30 Questions To Ask Yourself

The year of 2015 is coming to its end, and I'd like to sum it up a bit. I still have some plans I feel like I must execute, but they won't change the main, you know, volume of emotions. I had such an amazing year, didn't I? It changed me pretty much, helped me to understand what I want from life.
Not so long ago I found a post on our Russian version of Facebook that included some interesting questions people may ask themselves about their lives (originally the questions are from the book "My 5 years. 365 questions, 1825 answers. Diary"). They say to answer privately and show nobody, but I think it's a funny way to share my thoughts about the year with you. Maybe there're gonna be the questions I won't want to answer, so I'll politely skip them. Let's start!

1. The best moment of the year is...
My American trip, beyond doubt. I know, I worked in the children camp for the first time, I finished my 1st year at university this year and started the 2nd, but nevertheless my travel to LA was the most amazing and unforgettable for many reasons.

2. What inspired me the most this year?
Oh, difficulties have started. I can't help mentioning my mind-blowing travel again. People around me inspire me all the time. Participating in the contests with my student organization. Reading good literature, for sure; literature never lets me down.

3. The main news of the year.
I started working seriously. I became the English tutor in February and a teacher in the camp in June. Also now I can speak French!

4. The anthem of the year.
Man, you know, questions about music are HARD! Probably I could have pointed out one song the previous years, but not this one. I can't recall one song. Let it be Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, the Eurovision 2015 winning song Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw, Style by Taylor Swift and Colors by Halsey.

5. The most important people in my life. (this year, apparently)
Well, I can't but mention my parents and best friends who are my most important people in my life forever. Also I'd like to point out the Australian man I met in LA. Nowadays, when several months have passed by, I understand that I won't exaggerate when saying that he kinda influenced my perception of the world and myself mainly. It's one in a million chance to get to know such a person, believe me.

6. What was the most difficult for me?
Umm, making up your mind is always difficult. Sometimes working with the children at camp was difficult; I even cried twice during the term. Urging myself to read all the necessary literature even if I totally don't feel like is always a challenge too.

7. What color was this year?
Oy, I could send you to Colors by Halsey here, too:) But having to choose the color of the year, I'd say red. Red is my second favorite color, and my 2015 has been so vibrant and energetic and full of unexpected things, so it was red. ("... but loving him was red")

8. What event of this year I'd like to remember forever?
Is it going to be another post about my LA trip or what?

9. What word I used most often?
Hmm, interesting. I'd probably be able to answer this question in Russian. In English I'd choose the word expression "on point", let it be so.

10. The most ridiculous purchase of the year.
I hope I learnt not to waste money this year as being a student. So I think I never bought anything ridiculous in 2015. Or I try not to remember.

11. I'd better experiment with...
Oh my, I think I've experimented enough this year. Perhaps, there's even nothing I'd regret. YOU GO, GIRL!

12. This year was great because...
I realized many plans and ideas, I tried and did what I hadn't done before. I met so many amazing people; many of them have become my good friends. I traveled all on my own abroad for the first time.

13. What intimate problem have I solved?
I don't know. Usually I try to avoid noticing problems including my owns. I still try to understand my nature, so I'll leave this question open.

14. Whom I hugged at night?
That's almost offensive. I hug my plush cat toy at night, you know. Well, I wasn't that hopeless this year, but they are more one night stand cases :c

15. At whose wedding I partied?
At no one's.

16. What average salary did I have this year?
*politely skipping*

17. Did I have a conversation that changed everything in my mind?
I don't think I'm capable of recalling one particular conversation. I try to extract something useful from every conversation I have. Talking to foreigners was remarkable; and conversations with my camp co-workers were always great.

18. What new business have I started this year?
Well, I've already written about my work. Though I don't earn much money, but I enjoy teaching my little students English, it's my own little serious business.

19. If I could become a super hero for one day, what would I do?
It might sound selfish, but if I were a super hero for a day, I'd fly to my guys in LA. Seriously.

20. What do I dream about?
Is it about 2015 or what? I have many dreams actually. Right now I dream to successfully pass my exams beforehand this semester and come to my hometown for a whole month.

21. What I consider to be my biggest achievement?
My successful American trip. Sorry.

22. Express this year (up to this day) in one phrase.
Off the hook.

23. The last message that I sent.
You won't be much excited about that: the last thing I sent was the translated sentences I sent to my group mates. Sorry.

24. A quotation that suits this year.
"I don't believe you. I believe in you" © the Canadian guy I met in LA

25. Have I realized everything I planned for this year?
Not yet. Only some chore stuff are left. But globally yes, I've done everything I planned. Well done.

26. How many new friends have I made this year?
I'm bad at counting. I guess there are about 4-5 new good friends I made this year.

27. Whom I helped this year?
Myself firstly. My Australian man. Cherry Lady. Tatyana. I like helping people if I'm sure I can.

28. What places have I visited?
OOOOHHH should I count my hometown? Besides, there are West Hollywood, Venice Beach, Downtown LA and all the other places I went to in LA. Most of them were new for me. Oh, and Tokyo! I've been to Tokyo for the first time!

29. What business have I put off till the next year?
Recording the songs that I wrote because I don't have any instruments here in Vladivostok (yet). So I wait for coming to Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk and creating some (I think) cool stuff there.

30. What do I want to achieve in the new year?
Discovering new aspects of my soul. I want to live happily in general. Earlier I'd absolutely send a wish upon a star for a boyfriend. Now I get it that I don't constantly need a boy to feel happy. Of course, I don't deny the need of somebody by my side. But unless I'm fully satisfied with myself, I won't be satisfied with anyone. Plus now I know I don't need a boy - I need a man ("who can do it like I can"). I guess I met someone who looked like my ideal this year, and now it's pretty tough to find somebody like him. But actually I don't look for anyone on purpose. I believe if I feel confident, my destiny will find me easily. So feeling constantly confident, being patient and attentive is what I want to achieve in the new year.

That's it! Maybe, my answers were pretty obvious and silly, but they are mine, don't you think? Try to answer yourself and see how amazing your 2015 was!

Be brave

Movies' Day. Part IV

Although I write about separate movies from time to time, it's been pretty long since my last "Movies' Day" post, so I feel quite ready to create something new for you.

Alright, alright, alright! Last weekend my roommate and dear friend Cherry Lady checked the movies we had been recommended by our professors. 

The first one is "Philadelphia", a 1993 American drama film and one of the first mainstream Hollywood films to acknowledge HIV/AIDS, homosexuality, and homophobia. (Thanks, Wikipedia) Actually, the film wasn't in our mood, but we watched it pretty attentively because the acting is simply brilliant! I can easily understand why Mr. Tom Hanks received the Oscar for the leading role of Andrew Beckett. And the soundtrack! Certainly I'd heard "Streets of Philadelphia" by Bruce Springsteen before, but I never knew it was for the movie. That was pleasant news. 

The plot is rather controversial but pretty understandable. I loved that even though Denzel Washington's character Joe Miller had homophobia and  mysophobia, he agreed on helping Andrew Beckett in the name of justice and law. The movie's worth watching even if you're not a fan of the jurisprudence.

Tom Hanks as Andrew Beckett

On Sunday, we turned on "Guys and Dolls". It's a 1955 movie based on the Broadway musical of the same name. It starred  Marlon Brando, Jean Simmons, Frank Sinatra and Vivian Blaine. The plot is about how 50s' New York criminals liked gambling and betting. And that love wins at the end of it all. The movie is full of nice songs and fancy dances - of course, it's based on the musical! I liked the characters. Men were so handsome and women were so stylish those days. It reminded me of how much I like 50s' movies.

The only thing I didn't like in "Guys and Dolls" was Sister Sarah Brown's wedding dress. Or better say, the lack of her wedding dress! I know that she was a missionary, but I beg you! It's a 50s' musical! You could have made it!

But in general, "Guys and Dolls" is totally worth watching.

The third film I wanna talk about is the latest James Bond film "Spectre". The acting crew is wonderful! Daniel Craig, of course, but I was even more thrilled about one and only Monica Bellucci, adorable Ben Whishaw, Ralph Fiennes and - OMG YAS - Andrew Scott! Mr. Scott played Max Denbigh, a member of the British government, and comparing this character to Scott's famous Moriarty, I guess Andrew Scott do fine with this type of role. Unfortunately, Andrew's character won't be lucky to appear in next movies. But maybe as a flashback? Please?
Frankly speaking, I didn't like Léa Seydoux as a Bond girl much. Well, she's nice, but not splendid, you know.

The story features James Bond's first encounter with the global criminal organisation Spectre, marking the group's first appearance in an Eon Productions film since 1971's Diamonds Are Forever, and tying Craig's series of films together with an overarching storyline. (Thanks, Wikipedia)

Of course, I can't help writing about the main "Spectre" theme "Writing's On The Wall" performed by Sam Smith. Remember how excited I was with "Skyfall" by Adele? No wonder why it received an Oscar. So "Writing's On The Wall" is spectacular as well. I watched the live performance, and Mr. Smith nailed it! Let's see what awards this track will get.

Also, Cherry Lady and I have watched (my friend has re-watched) an amazing British series calls "Black Books". There are 3 seasons in the sitcom as well as 3 main characters: the bookshop's owner Bernard Black played by hilarious Dylan Moran, his assistant Manny Bianco and their friend Fran Katzenjammer. Actually, it's all about the wine, dealing with life and relationships, more booze, books vs. modern technologies, "Don't you dare use the word "party" as a verb in this shop!" and wine again. The comedy is just great! Not that stupid American pointless sitcoms, but classy smart British-Irish humor as it is.

That's all for today! Enjoy the silence the movies and have fun!

Russian Student Organizations

RSO logo

Russian Student Organizations (or Brigades as Wikipedia says) (RSO) is a big all-Russian youth non-governmental organization founded in 2004. It was created to provide college and university students with different jobs, mostly during summer holidays. Once you join one or another organization, you can become a teacher in a children summer camp (as me), a constructor, a conductor on a train, a worker on a fish-processing plant or somewhere else. At least these four professions are available in our Primorsky region. I'm not sure that you can be a worker on a fish-processing plant somewhere in the central Russia.
Such Student organizations originated in 1959 at the Physics Department of the Moscow State University as student construction brigades. They built new railways, buildings and etc. to 'create communism'. From the mid-sixties, they became an all-Union movement with all the camp teachers, plant workers, conductors, ecologists and so on. One of the main aims was to grow the feeling of the unity, pride, love to work. And of course even back then people earned money this way too. Actually, you can make pretty much working as a constructor or a plant worker. To be honest, teachers have the smallest wages but it's more about loving children, nice time with your mates and summer, I think.

Coastal Cluster of the Winter Olympics venues which were
built with the help of RSO

So, after the dissolution of the Soviet Union the tradition of student organization continued in some Russian regions. The main center was in Yekaterinburg, so it's exactly where the modern Russian tradition of student organization started. RSO has done many awesome things in modern Russia. The construction brigades helped to build the venues of the 2014 Winter Olympics, our two fantastic bridges in Vladivostok and the latest project Vostochny Cosmodrome which is still being built. The conductors go on trains from Vladivostok to Moscow for 7 days and back. Well, guys from other cities have other routes, but I don't know much about them. People joined fishing organizations come to my home island Sakhalin to work at the fish-processing plant.

Almost all the members have special RSO jackets as the uniform. The jackets can be khaki, dark green (or even blue in rare cases) that resemble the constuctors' uniform in the USSR. Only the teachers don't receive the jackets as they start working because we don't do any 'dirty work', we don't need such kind of uniform. A teacher must deserve, earn this jacket, it's kinda a symbol that your organization trusts you and present you a jacket. Teachers' uniform usually is a t-shirt and a neckerchief of significant colors.
Every organization has its commander, commissar, methodologist and master. RSO, as one huge organization consolidating the organizations from the whole country, has its own commander, commissar and master. And regional departments have too.

Different student organizations of Vladivostok on the Tiger's Day. I wasn't there :c
See the khaki jackets? Also you can differentiate one organization from another by the colors of the uniforms

Some of us posing for the photo session due to our being
the best pedagogical organization in our region in 2015

Personally I am a member of a student teaching organization (or as it's called a student pedagogical organization). Our organization's called "S.T.E.P." which is deciphered as Student Teaching English Program. Our organization has the bias for the English language (nowadays we're the only organization in our region with the bias for English) therefore all the members have made-up English names. Mine is Leslie, obviously. We work in the children summer camp called - you won't believe - "English Camp" which is situated right on my university campus. There are 3 terms during summer; also this camp has terms during fall, winter and spring holidays.

"S.T.E.P." is the biggest pedagogical organization in Primorsky region as far as I know. Formally, there are more than 100 members, though only about 70-80 teachers worked during the last summer. Anyhow, it didn't prevent us from becoming the best pedagogical organization in Primorye in 2015!
I worked last summer during the 1st term, it was my very first time. Of course, during the previous academic year we had been trained, but I faced the real children only in summer. Thankfully, my co-worker was an experienced teacher, she became my good friend. And our helper was so amazing though she was a fresh blood too.

Me and the teacher from another team (on the left) as the hosts
for the evening event with our boss Francis between us

But being a part of RSO isn't only about work and earning money. For me being a part of such a huge organization awakes some proud feelings inside like "Hell yeah, I do something good! It's useful and something you can be proud of". Apart from direct work student organization originate various social events. For example, our organization provides free English lessons in Vladivostok's libraries for kids. Unfortunately, I don't have time to teach there this year, but last year I willingly gave some lessons in the libraries as well.

Each year Primorsky Department of RSO arranges the event or the contest called something like "The Worker of the Year". At this event the best workers, the best organizations are announced. There are some criteria for that, but don't ask me about that. So, as I've already mentioned, our organization became the best!! We were so happy and proud!

But what can you see? I'm wearing The Jacket on the photo! Unfortunately, it's not mine (yet!) - I had to borrow one to perform on stage! I was honored to sing our national anthem, the RSO anthem and the theme song on stage with 5 other coolest singers of Primorsky Department of RSO. Although, it wasn't me who participated in the contest as a worker of the year, I felt so proud to represent my organization during the musical performances.

I'm actually happy that I joined RSO last year. I can't wait to see new guys coming to our organization, getting its craziness and awesomeness. Some of them will stay, some of them will go; but the process itself, the experience is priceless.

Be brave to be a part of something grand

Things, They Change

And by morning,

Gone was any trace of you,

I think I am finally clean.

Taylor Swift, Clean

Yo, people, it's November! Welcome, November, please sit down, be a nice guy, because I do have plans for you.
If you know me well enough, so you're aware of my habit to have a 'seasonal depression' every November and April. It happens not because I want it so bad like "I'm so sick of being happy, let's act blue and all down for a month or two". Last year I found out why I lost my happiness and love to the world. So there are certain reasons of my depression:

1. Weather. I hadn't even had an idea how much the weather influenced on me. And it still actually does. And November and April are pretty foggy times. I always say that I adore foggy weather. But when you have it for 30 days in a row, it really presses you down. Now I understand that I'm fed up with fogs and I need more sunshine. I realize now that living in St. Petersburg wouldn't be such a good decision because our North capital is known with its foggy weather all year round. 
2. Music. I've always known that music plays a big role in my life. I listen to it every day. If I'm not wearing earphones, be sure that I'm likely to be singing something in my head. And so when the weather is all gray, I don't try to fight it with some positive and energetic tunes but I support it with melancholy and a bit depressing songs. 
3. "Lonely Hearts Club". I'm a famous Single Lady and, you know, it's not all about the fun, to be honest. Of course, when I chance to listen to my friends' stories about their twisted relationships, I'm glad I don't have to deal with fuck boys. Sometimes I think  Good God just protects me from all that shit and there's someone who'll magically appear when I'm ready for 'one true love'. But you know, there are times you want to have a walk with someone who's more than a friend, send a lovely text to your crush and receive something nice back, embrace a body and a soul you're attached to. "So go on a date!" you might say. I'm bad at it. I don't know how to do it. Literally. I know that I'm pretty, I don't fall into being a complete bitch, but I try not to underestimate myself either. But guys don't run to me asking for my number or going out. And I don't feel confident to come up to a boy and ask him if he's free on a Friday night because once bitten, twice shy, but that's another story. 
4. Overthinking. Damn it, you overthink too much too many things too, right? Just sum up everything that's written above, multiply it several times, repeat for days, and here you go! Overthinking sucks, but I can't help it. Why doesn't he reply me? What if I do everything wrong? Will I pass the exams? What should I do with my life once I graduate?

And if you're smart enough, you may understand yourself how to avoid that unwanted depression. Unfortunately, I can't control the weather and, as I mentioned, I'm bad with building relationships, but there are some things I do nowadays and I hold on cheerful vibe as long as possible.

• Positive music. Don't let your own mind bring you down! Turn on the album Born This Way by Lady Gaga instead of the record Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey. BTW, the track Born This Way is one of two songs that are 100% sure to cheer me up. So listen to some good and happy tunes, and you won't notice how you start nodding along. It mustn't be something super-exciting and excited like Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, but something confident and empowering for sure. Consider checking out Zedd's record True Colors if you like club music or Snoop Dogg's latest work Bush if you're into rap.
• Get busy. DO SOMETHING! Stop staring at the ceiling thinking how great your crush is and how miserable you are and, I don't know, read anything. You'd better get overwhelmed with crazy troubles that fictional characters have than fictional troubles that crazy you don't have. I don't say that we should give up analyzing our lives, it's really useful actually. But btw reading good stuff, especially classics, will help you to solve some life issues and get over them. 
• Experience new things. Try a parachute jump, explore a new place in your town or go to a bar. It may be not so new, but it always works for me #alcoholicoops. New experiences will distract your mind from thinking about how dull your life is, at least for a short time. And there are big chances to meet someone new there!

Yeah, I realize that there are hundred people, who have written all those things before me, and hundred people, who'll write the same after me, but everyone always adds something original, and maybe I'll save another pity soul, not only mine? I don't say that I strictly follow my all rules and you'll never find me crying in my pillow and discussing about life with my own reflection again. I'm still developing as a person, I still discover myself day by day. So instead of judging, you may just help me.

The title of this post is a line from The Courteeners' song Not Nineteen Forever, I put it in the post about my birthday, I believe. So the song of the day is going to be a very good song All Alright by my beloved guys Fun.! Even they know we all be all alright.

Be brave to hold on

L'Édition Française: Ma Vie D’Étudiant

Bonjour !
Je fais mes études à l’Université d’Etât d’Extrême-Orient. Je suis en duxieme année. J’étudie l’anglais, le français et la littérature.
J’habite la cité universitaire. D’habitude je vais à l’université au pied. J’habite avec ma camarade Daria dans la résidence universitaire. Notre piece n’est pas grande, mais assez comfortable. Les murs de sa chambre sont blancs, c'est pourquoi notre piece est claire. Il y a duex tables, duex lets, duex placards avec nos vêtements et deux mebles dans notre chamre.

Notre vue de la fenêtre matin

Il y a des services de ménage. Il n’y a pas de sale de travail dans la résidence universitaire, je fait mes devoirs dans ma chambre.
D’habitude je mange au resto universitaire ou chez moi. Il y a une cuisine collective dans notre résidence universitaire, mais nous prépare notre manger avec le multicuiseur dans notre chambre.
Je travaille le tuteur de l’anglais, je fait cours particuliers. Je travaille le mardi et le vendredi après les cours, c’est pourquoi j’ai assez de temps pour mes études.
Si je ne travaille pas, d’habitude je reste et fait mes devoirs après les cours. Mais j’aime aller au cinéma et la discothèque avec mes amies. Aussi je suis dans la organisation étudiante « STEP », nous apprendons la lange anglaise aux enfants.

C'est moi (à gauche) dans le camp d'enfant comment un moniteur

I Know You Believe In Me Too

I haven't written silly things for awhile. I've noticed that my recent posts about the accents and the role models turned out to be pretty successful, and it can't fail to be pleasant and motivating! While writing them I might not have done any researches, but I did put much more knowledge in them, more smart thoughts, less unnecessary information. I've been reading various writing tips, so focusing on one theme is one of them. I don't think I'm ready to focus my whole blog on one theme, but I should do for one certain post at least. For example, I did a post about being a role model - it was only about that, nothing else like "Hm, btw also, I bought new jeans a couple of days ago, and the weather isn't so fine, yeah". But I'm aware that I'm about to break this rule right here right now - I do want to put my latest news and little thoughts and emotions and notes here at once. One famous Russian YouTuber Kate Clapp shoots videos every Friday in which she talks about everything that comes to her mind and happens in her life, just many little facile topics she'd like to discuss but that aren't worth a separate video. That's what I want to do too! Yes, I might tell myself not to write about worthless stuff, but I feel the need, I feel eager about that. So haters gonna hate - even the heater inside myself - and I'm gonna do whatever I do in my own freaking blog. Period.

So haters gonna hate - even the heater inside myself - and I'm gonna do whatever I do in my own freaking blog. Period.

Oh yes, you might have noticed that my blog became wider and I have just used that strange quotation feature. One more yes. I don't only develop my writing skills but also experiment with the site itself. I try to make it more readable and more interesting. And not so long ago I found the source of my inspiration - Mark Manson's blog. Mr. Manson puts himself as "Author. Thinker. Life Enthusiast.", and he is indeed. I found him with one of my Facebook friend's sharing, and now I can't help appreciating this blog. I like Manson's style of writing first of all - it's so easy-going and sarcastic from time to time, and still serious enough. He opens subjects I'm interested in such as traveling, the crux of relationships or procrastination. Moreover, Mr. Manson is very attached to his readers and frequently makes us, readers, happy with e-mails with new material or asking about something. The most amazing thing is that the author isn't too busy yet not to answer the letters from his fans. I would answer too, if I was written, though. A long-long time ago I used to do such a tag as VERY INTERESTING BLOG. And I think this paragraph is a very good example. So go, read Mark Manson's blog and learn some lessons!

Yesterday Tatyana and I went to a yoga class held on our campus. We tried one class last year, but we didn't like it. Usually, we practice yoga ourselves with the help of YouTube videos. While the temperature was warm enough, we did yoga outside, now we practice it inside conformably. We do it for our own pleasure only, nobody forced us. My friend and I really find joy in doing yoga, and we can see our bodies change for the better. But of course, we can't be totally sure if we do the poses right, and we always search for new ways of developing our physical skills. That's why yesterday we went to that yoga class - to try something new. And we liked it! First of all, I liked the instructor. Our local yogi was a young man, 3rd-year handsome student, who immediately made a good impression by reaching out his hand to me, as I walked into the room, saying, "Hi, I'm Vanya, what's your name?" No class can be bad with a charming teacher, especially when you came to that class on your own. There were not so many of us: the instructor, 4 other girls, Tatyana and me. The room was all white, and I paid my attention to that right when I came in - white is my favorite color, you know (and red). The practice itself was intense enough for my body to hurt today, and that hasn't happened for awhile. But it means that I had some really nice training. So Tatyana and I agreed on attending that yoga class once a week and be great with it.

I think I never wrote about what I bought myself as present for my birthday! I received a couple of gift cards to my favorite shops from Cherry Lady and Andrew, so I bought the presents on them though I had to pay in excess anyway. So my main purchase turned out to be... the latest Beyonce's fragrance Heat Kissed! The funny thing is that I bought it without even trying it because there was no tester. But when I opened the box and finally smelled the perfume, I loved it! And Cherry Lady loved it too because her own fragrance smells very similar.


Another gift I treated myself with was a plush cat toy, the famous Internet Pusheen the cat! Yes, that's what being 29 is like - you buy luxurious perfumes and plush toys. So, talking about Pusheen, I'm so into this character! I enjoy scrolling the pictures - isn't it funny and cute? And when I opened the official online store, I was shocked - so many items with Pusheen the cat! But I'm not sure if my cat toy is an official one. And, by the way, to defense myself, this Pusheen in my only plush toy in the dormitory. Now I can't help joking about me being a cat lady. Not so funny, tbh, you know.

Cherry Lady took a photo of embarrassingly
happy me with my new toy

AND to finish this amusing post (and to let me finish my homework, frankly speaking) I feel like sharing the song of the day. Let it be... 3 songs! Because I haven't put any songs for some time and I'm known to always have something to listen to. My recent discovery is a bilingual track by the Australian singer Josef Salvat called Open Season (Une Autre Saison). I've known this singer before, I still like his song Hustler. But Open Season is much more positive, though. This song has the English-only version, but I like this English-French mix. Sometimes you can't even tell when Josef changes the languages, the track sounds so good. And the title of this post is one of this song's lines! Check it out!

Another choice is Papercut by Zedd featuring Troy Sivan. I heard this song on the plane to LA while listening to the whole Zedd's album True Colors, so I associate Papercut as well as all the other songs from the record with the city of angels and my great travel.

Not a fan of club music? I've got something for you too. The last song is going to be a slow, melancholic track Over You by Ingrid Michaelson featuring A Great Big World. It's so beautiful and sad at the same time. And I say no more.

Be brave

Role Model

The generation of my parents wanted to become cosmonauts, doctors, constructors. My generation wanted (or still wants) to become lawyers, psychologists, designers. I remember I wanted to become a psychologist too when I was about... 10 years old. Then when I first visited St. Petersburg, I came up with the idea of becoming a journalist, and it was a serious wish (I really prepared for the faculty of journalism) that lasted till... my second trip to St. Petersburg. Yeah, our North capital proved to be my turning point. Now I barely have an idea about my future in the meaning of profession. 

Well, yes, I say that I want to be a writer. But I know that I won't just sit down, easily write something and money will immediately start pouring on me. 

I'm sure to have the Master's degree after the Bachelor's one. I want to study for the Master's degree in another city, somewhere else; probably try St. Petersburg one more time. But lately I've started thinking about taking a break after finishing FEFU. Why? I don't know. To save money or to spend it, have some life? It's only my second year here, though, my choices and decisions can change. Also, I don't forget about my tutor's suggestion for me to get a degree in English somewhere abroad to become a professional English speaker/teacher/person. Still I'll need money for that.

I know I'll be able to earn some money giving private lessons. Moreover, I enjoy the work, though its existence depends on other people. Although I haven't tried it yet, but I guess working at school will make an office plankton out of me. I know every job can be a creative one, especially teaching, but I also imagine the amount of paperwork a teacher has, so I really doubt it. Of course, I'll have my school practice at the 4th year of university, so we'll see about everything. 

Translating things? I think I just need to try that even now. Just find some spare time, a little piece of a good material and try to make something decent of it. It'll be good as for my English so for my Russian. And it'll improve my writing skills, so I should just try it.

All in all, I'm a typical student now - too many plans, too little certainty. But I am certain in one thing. I know that no matter what I will do for a living, I want to be a role model. I wanna be a good role model for my little nieces firstly, for my future children, for people around me if they're interested. I want to be interesting for people. This idea came to me when I was told that my first cousin once removed had said "I want to attend a music school like Olga!" It made me feel so proud of myself. Some human being wanted to do something like me, and that human being was my relative. And I know that my elder sister's daughters really like me. I want them to look at me not only like someone who appears once in 6 months and is known to be their aunt but at someone who knows many fascinating stories, who knows how to behave, how to deal with the life. Of course, the main role models in their life are their parents, but there's always someone we think of as well when we make decisions or when we think about decent people in our lives, who influence our lives.

From the left: my mom, me with my gold medal for excellent
school education, and my Godmother

The person who influences my life this way is my Godmother. We don't meet too often, but if we have a chance I try to visit her with my mother (my mother and Godmother are kinda colleagues). I like to listen to my Godmother's stories, some life hacks, how she spent her latest vacation, where she has been and what she has seen. She also says that she always thinks of me, and it warms my heart.

Also, I sympathize our this-semester literature professor. She reminds me of my Godmother, they're like the same type of a person. You know, when you meet somebody, and (s)he resembles someone else you know in looks, in characters, etc. So I like how our literature professor treats us, how she presents her lectures. I watch her with my eyes open wide, follow the way she speaks and shows her attitude to various things, and I definitely see some of my Godmother's features. So I treat our literature professor as my university Godmother. These two women are my role models (after my own mother, of course). 

So what do I mean by being a role model? In my opinion, a role model

1. knows how to present him/herself. The way you walk, the way you talk shows so much about you. You are sure to know people who enchant everyone around only stepping in the room. They may not be famous or stereotypically attractive but you want to know them, you want to be around them.
2. knows the values of life. Money doesn't matter, the fullness of life does. Role models have some great experience you want to know and they will to share. 
3. motivates you without even knowing about it. When you see your role model or talk to him or her, you unconsciously wants to become better, to evolve and improve.

I don't mean role models are to be worshipped like cult figure and you should copy their appearance and moves. But I think it's good to have someone to look at in real life. Because of course we have idols - you all are aware of my love to Beyonce, but I don't consider her as my role model: I haven't meet Beyonce in person, I've never talked to her, never heard her life stories face-to-face. But once I do, Queen B will certainly be on my list.

So yes, this is what I want for sure. I want to be good. I want to provide my nieces and children and other people with the energy to motivate them to be better. I want to tell them my story, I want them to see the life from my point of view, want them to know what is right and what is wrong. I want them to know that "nothing is impossible. Don't let your dreams be dreams! JUST DO IT!" and so on. I want to be a role model.

B-Movie: Lust & Sound in West Berlin 1979-1989

As I wrote in my previous post, Tatyana and I attended the Beat Film Festival the last week.
According to their official cite, The Beat Film Festival is an international festival of documentaries on arts and music that showcases 25 new titles every year and brings together independent filmmakers, musicians and contemporary artists in an exciting program of film screenings, concerts, talks and performances. Founded in 2010 as an independent cultural initiative, it has grown to be the largest film & music event across Russia. Since 2013 the festival also has a regional extension: under the name of the Beat Weekend the festival brings five key titles from the festival program to 10 largest cities across Russia in the Fall – providing alternative theatrical distribution opportunities to strong Russian and international documentary titles. (http://en.2015.beatfilmfestival.ru/beat/)
Originally Tantyana bought tickets for almost all the movies shown in our cinema. She wanted Anton to go to "B-Movie..." with her, but he worked that day. And I didn't! Fortunately, "B-Movie..." was the film I liked the most from the list, so yeah, we were truly lucky.
"B-Movie: Lust & Sound in West Berlin 1979-1989" is a documentary shot in West Berlin by a Manchester guy Mark Reeder. I had known nothing about Mark Reeder before I watched the film, or about Nick Cave who appeared in the tape. "B-Movie" was apparently shot those time, I mean 1979-1989, right before the Iron Curtain fell and the Berlin Wall was destroyed; Mark Reeder introduces his work as sort of a diary. I wonder if he knew he would create a documentary when he moved to West Berlin. But somehow the film was debuted at the Berlinale 2015.
Our lovely Wikipedia says that "a spectacular documentary film about the island of West Berlin during the 80s viewed by protagonist Mark Reeder. Using original music and featuring rare and unseen footage with participants such as Gudrun Gut, Blixa Bargeld or Nick Cave, it portrays the vibrant avant-garde music scene of the city in its last decade of division. Reeder composed the soundtrack and remastered the songs." One thing that amuses me the most is that "B-Movie..." doesn't have its own Wiki-page in English, though Mark Reeder reads the main text in his utter British accent. Maybe, he did versions both in English and in German? There's some information about it on IMDb, but still not so much. Well, it's such a typical festival movie - you don't hear about it, but once you watch it, you wonder why haven't you heard about it.

Mark Reeder himself

A documentary isn't the kind of film I'd go to the cinema for. If I randomly run into a documentary on TV and it catches my attention, I probably keep it on; I don't usually go to the cinema for that. But here I was invited, and it was a festival, so I couldn't skip it.
Music described and used in the movie is also not my type either. It was all about electronica, post-punk and trans, but I can't say I shut my ears with my hands. It was an experience, I'd never listened to such music so properly before. Nevertheless, Tatyana and I chanced to discover one song we both liked, and it's on my playlist. So I'll make it the song of the day in the end.
And that lifestyle West Berlin 80's isn't my thing at all! So rageful, so raving, flashy! Sex, drugs, rock'n'roll - there it was. Tatyana asked me if I'd like to live in those years, but I doubted if I would survive. Nowadays one can also easily find a company offering drugs, alcohol and one-night affairs, and I try not to face those guys. But what if I was brought up in that decade, in that city? How would I act?

Nevertheless I enjoyed the film, it's really impressive. Everyone who's interested in music, or in history, in German culture should definitely check it out.

Actually, a B movie is a low-budget commercial motion picture that is not an arthouse film. Well, I think it fits "B-Movie...". Also the title couldn't but remind me and all my friends about the DreamWorks animated movie "Bee Movie".
I promised you the song of the day that I heard in the tape. I've just learnt that the song wasn't created in 80's, it was released in 2013! Anyhow it was used in "B-Movie...", and it fitted very well. So the song is "You Need The Drugs" by Westbam Feat. Richard Butler.

Some Sunday morning see you

Picking up the fine

Ticking down the last time

Before the credits run

A traffic is a moving ...moving awful slow

To the sound of you complaining

We got nowhere left to go

You need the drugs to make the stars come down

You need the drugs to make you shine

You need the pills to take you home again

Don't be so ladida, so ladida

You need the drugs

You need the drugs to make the stars come down

You need the drugs to make you shine

You need the pills to take you home again

Don't be so ladida, so ladida

You need the drugs

All of your tomorrows are a dream I never had

Everything is broken, everything unsaid

But I see all your shadows running

Circles at my feet

And you're making all the promises that

No one never keeps

You need the drugs to make the stars come down

You need the drugs to make you shine

You need the pills to take you home again

Don't be so ladida, so ladida

You need the drugs.

Be brave

Accents And All

***
British: - I like a Russian accent!
American: - Me too! I think it's cool.
Me: - Rrrrreally? A Russian accent is awful! I don't have a true Russian accent, you wouldn't like it so.
***
Some years ago I thought I was a fan of the British variant of English. You know, all those British TV shows, British YouTubers, actors, singers... Though those time I couldn't differentiate an British accent from an American or any other one properly. And my tutor started teaching me an American accent. I didn't say anything to her, but of course I was upset. Actually, her lessons about that were great, because I had to imitate American speech, I had to write down fast dictations from the first time, it all really made me become a practiced hand. And how glad I was, when I came to the university and we were taught the British pronunciation! Yey! The significant aspiration, secrets of making the sounds, British noble intonation. Even though we were taught the American grammar and both variants of the vocabulary, we all enjoyed the phonetics.

This summer, you know, I went to the USA, and to my pleasure I talked to different people for whom English is a native language: from the UK, from Ireland, from Australia and New Zealand, the USA, of course. Due to the fact that I automatically analyzed the speech as a [almost] professional linguist, I learnt to tell a British accent from an American for sure. And some weeks ago I heard a song and thought that the singer must have been Australian, so I googled him and I was right! So I can even recognize an Australian accent now, that's success for me. I'm still afraid what our phonetics teacher will tell me when she knows I visited the US, because she's totally against the American fluent colloquial pronunciation, so I hope I'll be cunning enough to hide it.
When in LA the French, the Chinese and I tried to get to the Venice Beach, and the man tried to help us, he was the first to tell at once that I was Russian. He also guessed where my attendants were from, because he said he was German himself, traveled a lot and could recognize many accents.
Last week Tatyana took me to Beat Film Festival where we watched "B-Movie: Lust & Sound in West Berlin" (should write in detail about it). The movie was incredible! Though it was totally not my style, I really enjoyed it. But! The film was a documentary, and the main text was told by the Manchester guy Mark Reeder. 92 minutes of a pure British accent made me... I'd say I could bear the British accent anymore. It was quite a shock for myself, because you know, a British accent is everything, it was the high ideal, the perfection to be reached. And PSHHH! I didn't want it anymore. And that was the point I understood I'm more of an American girl. Well, of course, if I meet a British, I won't scream into his or her face "GET OUTTA HERE I CAN'T LISTEN TO YA SPEECH". But namely I'd prefer speaking in an American one now.

I'm absolutely aware that I'll never get rid of my Russian roots, my Russian accent. We've been told that all that accent stuff is on a level of heartbeat. Of course, if a newly born Chinese baby is brought up in Brazil, it will speak Portuguese perfectly. But if you're a 19 years old girl who's been learning English for about 5 years, it seems impossible to lose your native accent. Even if I eventually move to an English-speaking or French-speaking or Italian-speaking country, I'll still have some Russian faint notes. I've already mentioned intonation, so I want you to know that intonation is really important.
In Russia we don't have so different Russian accents. We usually speak about dialects which yes can differ pretty much. If you're good enough, you can tell someone living in Moscow from someone living in Archangel and someone living in the Russian Far East. My Russian teacher at school once said that people in the Russian Far East speak the purest Russian, because this part of our huge country had been populated by people from various Russian regions, so their dialects disappeared and the pure language remained.
So as a conclusion, I can identify, produce and tell many things about a British and an American accents; every now and then I can differ an Australian accent, but I don't know theoretically how Aussies make their signature sounds; I can tell nothing about a New Zealand accent, though I heard people speak it; I'll never lose my Russian accent.

I beg my pardon

Be brave to try different accents

These Girls Born In The 90's Are Dangerous

19, you're only 19 for God's sake,

Oh, you don't need a boyfriend.

"Once And Never Again", The Long Blondes

Oy! I've turned nineteen! Actually I don't know how to feel about this age, because you know, 18 - you're fully adult in Russia, 20 is such a beautiful jubilee, 21 - you're fully adult everywhere (legal drinks!!). But 19, what the hell is 19? Well, to say the least, it's the last year of being a "teen", and I definitely don't feel like a teen. Of course, lots of my problems, my diffidence, my 'beloved' seasonal depressions are so typically teenage things. But I don't want to act like a teenager! I study at university, I have a job, I'm a part of a big student organisation, I travel the world by myself! I freak out every time Cherry Lady says: "What do they want from us? We're basically still children!" What the hell are you talking about? Woman, you're nearly 20, get your shit together! Thankfully, my parents haven't treated me as a kid since I was like 14, and somehow I managed to be independent enough (or at least I think so). I'm not talking about money, I still rely on my parents financially very much (though I try to help myself as you know), but talking about life as it is, I think I'm doing pretty well. 

All in all, I don't have much of an opinion about the age of 19. Being a pretty receptive person, I'm used to think of different ages by the way they are shown in culture. For example, I know many popular songs about 17 ("Well, she was just seventeen, you know what I mean...", "Only seventeen, but she walks the street so mean..."). 21 is the point you're not underage anymore. I really like the movie "21 And Over", so hilarious! But what about 18? 19? I'm sure there are many songs about that, but I can't recall anything from my music knowledge. I did a little research to find something lovely about being 19. Indeed I found some good songs, but the most famous person was Billy Ray Cyrus. Well, Mr. Cyrus' song isn't about being nineteen though, but I like it. Ah yeah, there was also a song by The Rolling Stones. But the fine thing is that I found some really nice new stuff. So here's "Seventeen" by Billy Ray and another one I really liked - "Not Nineteen Forever" by The Courteeners straight away.

And now it's time to describe my super party! This year I decide to arrange a house party, 'cause it's def cheaper, but it's more dangerous because don't forget we live in the dormitories where alcohol is forbidden. But we're usually lucky to but some liquor and carry it through in our backpacks without being checked. This time we were kissed by God himself, because when we bought the last batch of beverages on my BDay's eve, right after we carried everything through, the security started checking everybody's bags. HOW LUCKY WE WERE! Because I carried tequila, vodka and bourbon in my backpack, and it would be incredibly disappointing to lose it all. To put it mildly. All in all we had two bottles of wine, two bottles of vodka, a bottle of Olmeca Blanco and also a bottle of Jim Beam. Yeah, there ain't no my birthday party if there ain't no tequila! You might think "If you had so much alcohol, you must have had many friends there". Hah. 5. There were only 5 of us. Must have been 7, but my groupmate came down with a sickness, so she and her boyfriend couldn't join us. To my surprise we skipped wine (though we opened one bottle) and started right with Jim Beam, everyone! Only Anton, our group leader, drank the whisky purely, the rest of us mixed it with Coke, it was kinda our long drink. Then it was the turn of vodka, we mixed it with Schweppes, but took it as shots. And so when tequila came, Anton forbade us to mix it with anything, so we all drank tequila purely, but with salt and lemon (I forgot to but lime in town, and there weren't limes in our campus' shop). It was the first time Tatyana tried tequila, and she liked it. Actually, everybody liked everything. We played forfeits, danced, had so much fun! Cherry Lady, who had been responsible for food, worried if the guests would like what she cooked, but everything was delicious. All guests and I enjoyed the party so much! We all were pleased by the company of ours. A little trouble appeared when we went out, but I hope everything'll end up well. And if you want to jump in the atmosphere of that night, turn on "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake, the second album by "Run the Jewels" and Rachmaninoff. 

One of the forfeit was to become an extravagant photographer and create a cool photo. Cherry Lady picked out this one, and the photos came out pretty dramatic indeed.

I also couldn't miss taking some selfies. I learn not to be a fool :D

The whole squad: Cherry Lady at the bottom (only her eyes mostly),
Tatyana on the right, Anton on the left, me in the pose of queen
and Cherry Lady's boyfriend Andrew in the background .

Being selfish, I really like my face here. Cat eyeliner's so on point!
And look at Anton! If I'm a tequila lady, he's absolutely a whisky man.

In the end we found ourselves sitting at the beach, discussing things, making the conclusion that my party came off so well.

There're gonna be two songs of the day. The first one is "Acquainted" by The Weeknd. I used a line from it as the title. Originally there was a song called "Girls Born In The 90's", but it was leaked, so the Weeknd decided to rerecord the song with different lyrics, but he left a part from that original track in quite new "Acquainted". The girls born in the 90's are dangerous because many power girls who are highly famous nowadays were born in the 90's indeed: Ariana Grande, many models like Kendal Jenner, Gigi Hadid and others... Me, in the end of it all! It's our time now, girls! We're in our prime, time to work shit up and rule the world! 'Cause "you're from the 70's, but I'm a 90's bitch!"

Baby you're no good

Cause they warned me bout your type girl

I've been ducking left and right

Baby you're no good

Think I fell for you, I fell for you, I fell for you

You got me puttin' time in, time in

Nobody got me feeling this way

You probably think I'm lying, lying

I'm used to bitches comin' right 'way

You got me touchin' on your body

You got me touchin' on your body

To say that we're in love is dangerous

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted

I get you touchin' on your body

I get you touchin' on your body

I know I'd rather be complacent

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted

Baby you're no good

All my niggas think I'm crazy cause I'm thinkin' 'bout us lately

But really if I could

I'd forget about you, 'get about you, 'get about you

You got me puttin' time in, time in

Nobody got me feeling this way

You probably think I'm lying, lying

I'm used to bitches comin' right 'way

You got me touchin' on your body

You got me touchin' on your body

To say that we're in love is dangerous

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted

I get you touchin' on your body

I get you touchin' on your body

I know I'd rather be complacent

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted, we're acquainted

Momma caught me cryin', cryin', cryin', cryin'

I won't find somebody that's real (she wants somebody that's real)

Cause every time I try to, try to, try to run

The fast life keeps gaining on me, shit

But ever since I met you

I couldn't believe what you did

So comfort me babe, ain't no rush from me babe

I keep on touchin' on your body

I keep on touchin' on your body

To say that we're in love is dangerous

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted

I got you touchin' on your body

I got you touchin' on your body

I know I'd rather be complacent

But girl I'm so glad we're acquainted, we're acquainted

I'm not trying to talk at all

Cause I'm trying to love you crazy

Put some more inside your cup

And drink till you numb the pain

I got you touchin' on your body

These girls keep touchin' on their body

They got accustomed to the life we live

These girls born in the 90's are dangerous

I got 'em thinkin' that they want me

Although they know they not the only

I got 'em wanting to embrace their sins

These girls born in the 90's are dangerous

Another song is "Girls Your Age" by Transviolet. The song has interesting story, check it out here. The song's so my style, and the lyrics is on point. 

17 runnin from innocence, like it's a lion

Nipping at my heels, but I'm young so I out run 'em

Jailbait baby hunting men in their 20's

Cupid's shooting arrows, but I'm cold so I outgun 'em

Bad boy talking fast, talking dirty

He tells me that I'm hot, so I tell him that I love him

And he says girls your age,

Never mean what they say

I've got a renegade heart,

And it's screaming his name

But then it beats like

You've got time to kill baby

Don't go jump the gun

Live fast while you're young honey

Don't go chasing love, chasing love

21 thrown back revelry, like it's morphine

Thought I knew what I wanted, I never saw you coming

Black suit, looking sharp with your dark eyes

He loves my imperfections, so I tell him that I love him

Bad boy talking fast, talking dirty

He tells me that I'm hot, so I tell him that I love him

And he says girls your age,

Never mean what they say

I've got a renegade heart,

And it's screaming his name

But then it beats like

You've got time to kill baby

Don't go jump the gun

Live fast while you're young honey

Don't go chasing love, chasing love

Be brave!