Attention I Don't Need

I usually post something on the Internet thinking of someone particular. When I share my photo, I think "I'd like him to notice it" or if I write a note, I come up with "Oh, she might find it interesting" and so on. Sometimes I want so badly to be paid attention I don't actually need. I'd better read something - I do have plenty stuff to read - but I waste my time speculating if I should public this pic or not. Should I write him or not? Will they like this post? Do people even read my writing? Like, you know, I started it all as pure practise for my English, and now I really think about the audience, or at least imagine that I have one. I never forget that the blog is my relief, but nowadays I treat it not only like my way to relax, but also like a way of improving my skills of a writer; I treat my blog as a semi-professional thing. Now singing is rather my hobby than writing.
And so I should stop thinking about someone special when I do something on the Internet. If I do it, I should do it for myself or for everybody at once - there are only two. If I wanna write something for a particular person, I should write it in the message. Why do I put silly hints in my public posts thinking "Oh, he must get the meaning, he'll understand!" He mustn't do anything!  Or she, whoever! Why do I seek for that stupid attention? People who need me will definitely write me sooner or later. If I feel the need of connection, I ought to write - why waste time deciding?
Things on the Internet should be understandable and - by far more important - interesting to everyone. I do understand that sometimes, when I write about my mere mortal life, I describe things not so interesting for other people. Yes, here the first 'rule' - I do it for myself. But also I want to make people interested in the field, the theme I write about. Is it another way to gain some heed? No, I don't think so. If I hint at someone in my publications, I feel like I'm screaming "Hey! Yes, you! I need you! I remember you! Look here! Check this out!" If I write about something happening in my life not concerning other people, I feel like I involve people in my atmosphere, in what I do, what my life is like; I want them to learn about things other people experience though my prose moments.
You may be thinking now, "Is she high or something?" I must warn you I've been reading philosophical works by Pascal and Spinoza these days. It's not the last post containing my deep reflections. I try to grasp myself through expressing things with the help of words. "My purpose is to explain, not the meaning of words, but the nature of things" - from "Ethics" (1677) by Spinoza. My oh my, who knew that I'd fall for the philosophy of the seventeenth century?
Actually I have so many ideas I'd like to write in my blog, but I need some time organizing them in my head first. Plus I don't have much time this week. You know, my birthday will be this Sunday, so... Yeah, somehow I've found some time to be typing these letters right now. But it's more on the wave of inspiration, not so much of a long hard work. I should be doing my homework, to be honest.
Talking about less lofty things, everything goes on and on. We started reading in Gothic, a grandfather of English. It's so funny! So cool to see the connection between Gothic and modern English words, follow some common changes. Every now and then I realize I made a right choice about my specialization.
The song of the day... let it be "Girls Chase Boys". It's such a light-hearted track - as a balancing opposition to all that mess I've written.

All the broken hearts in the world still beat

Let's not make it harder than it has to be

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

[x2]

I'm a little let down but I'm not dead

There's a little bit more that has to be said

You played me now I play you too

Let's just call it over

All the broken hearts in the world still beat

Let's not make it harder than it has to be

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

[x2]

Chase girls, chase boys, chase boys, chase girls

I'm a little bit home but I'm not there yet

It's one to forgive but it's hard to forget

Don't call me, I won't call you too

Let's just call it over

All the broken hearts in the world still beat

Let's not make it harder than it has to be

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

[x2]

Chase girls, chase boys, chase boys, chase girls

I got two hands, one beating heart

And I'll be alright

I'm gonna be alright

Yeah I got two hands, one beating heart

And I'll be alright

I'm gonna be alright

All the broken hearts in the world still beat

Let's not make it harder than it has to be

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

[x2]

(Oh everything is going to be fine

Oh everybody loves you baby)

All the broken hearts in the world still beat

Let's not make it harder than it has to be

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

[x2]

Ohh, it's all the same thing

Girls chase boys chase girls

Be brave to work for yourself